OK, I know it’s just a few months into the new year and to be honest, it may be a bit early in 2016 for a wish list. But, as a mom and a wife, I busted my tail through the winter holidays, from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day – cooking, shopping, wrapping and cleaning, entertaining family and kids who were on Winter Break. So I figured I might be entitled to voice my opinion about Valentine’s Day — as a wife and mother. So, bear with me, listen up, and let’s see what we can do. Here’s what I really want for Valentine’s Day:
- Forego the Fancy Restaurant: Let’s be honest – all the good ones are already full, and I’m the one who always has to spend time trying to find a babysitter. At this point, there’s no one available unless you want the girl with the nose piercing who brings her boyfriend. So, let’s stay home but just promise me that I don’t have to cook a thing. If you’ll handle dinner for the kids, whether it’s Chef Boyardee or takeout pizza, I’ll be thrilled. And on that note, don’t worry about playing Chef and whipping up a special dinner for me. Your meals are delicious but I’m just not up for the aftermath and cleanup that will follow. So, let’s just relax, order some sushi, enjoy a bottle of wine from the fridge and chill. I’m too tired to put on makeup anyhow.
- Cancel the Card: I know you work really hard to pick out that card on your way home from work each Valentine’s Day. But believe me when I say you don’t need to spend $5 to get me the last, pink-colored, glittery Hallmark expression they have left – especially one that expresses your love for me in rhyme. Why don’t we save the time it takes to run by CVS, and you and I can work together as we fill out 75 Valentine’s Day cards for our kids’ classmates? I’ve got the class list, you get the Sharpie and we’ll zoom through this in no time flat. After all, the kids lost interest about 2 hours ago, but it has to be finished by tomorrow. Nothing will show me that you love me more.
- Let’s Get It On: And by that, I mean sex. And by sex, I mean now. We both got up at 6am today – you worked a full day. I did Reading Groups at school, had a 3-hour PTA meeting, and helped the younger ones in their class party. After herding 25 second graders while they frosted cookies and hot-glued a craft, I’m fairly done. The dog had a vet appointment, your daughter is working on long division and I spent an hour searching the house for the missing library books. My day has been interesting enough without needing foreplay. Let’s use the lingerie and the sexy talk for another time. Tonight, the pickup line just needs to be “do you wanna?”
- Trash the Trinkets: You don’t need to worry with red roses or boxes of chocolates. The flowers usually die because everyone else in this house gets fed and watered first, and as for chocolates, I typically get the first taste before they’re demolished by the children – or more often than not, accidentally dropped on the floor and eaten by the dog (who should be dead by now). While I would obviously appreciate a Tiffany’s box or a diamond necklace, to be honest – I’d love it if you would just fold a load of laundry. I might run a bubble bath, have a glass of wine and get ready for the hot sex we’re going to have in a minute — -assuming I stay awake.
So, there you have it. My Valentine’s Wish. Not to say that the romance has gone out of our lives. It’s just on hold right now – while we deal with birthday parties and playdates, overweight dogs and magic marker on the sofa, endless laundry piles and class projects. I’m still that hot, sexy young thing you fell in love with – I’m just hiding under my muffin top for a few more years!
XOXO and Happy Valentine’s Day!